my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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