1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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