if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
