Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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