What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
