How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
