I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
