Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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