I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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