I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
