i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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