I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
