there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
