When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
