im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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