are you so shy because you have an std?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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