Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
