I wish life had little blips of pornography
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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