I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
