when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
