i think my tv is drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
