It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
