I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
