Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
