Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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