Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Houston, we have a blender
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
