I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
