No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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