Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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