you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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