I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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