Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
