I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
