WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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