It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
