Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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