Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The adults are the big ones right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
