He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
