So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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