It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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