I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
