i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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