if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
NoShamevember. You game?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
