so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
