Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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