Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
