Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
