then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
