U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My pussy is not your playground.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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