i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just had sex bonerless
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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