its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
