I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
