Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
