I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The air taste purple.
Randomize
