so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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