i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
