I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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