Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
