i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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