Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
