all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
